10 Things We Learned from the 2013 Grammy Awards

by Mikey Rox

Music biggest night bowed last night, and for the most part it was an entertaining show. Performances by Justin Timberlake, Maroon 5 and Alicia Keys, Carrie Underwood, and The Lumineers – among other notable artists and acts – filled most of the three-hour event, but there was still time for a few OMG, WTF and SMH moments at the 55th Grammy Awards. We remember 10 of them here.

1. Taylor Swift Lives In Her Own Little World – And It’s Perpetually Awkward

There’s no lack of GIFs featuring Taylor Swift dancing, squinting, and making weird faces today because, well, that’s what Taylor Swift does. Frankly, it’s nice to see her taking time out of her very busy heart-breaking schedule. Nonetheless, it’s become quite clear from her level of enthusiasm at award shows that T-Swizzle is either really content being the center of her own universe or she’s autistic. We can’t decide.

2. J. Lo Doesn’t Have a Single Whole Dress in Her Closet

We hope J. Lo receives a hefty discount on her couture. Lady never gets a entire gown.

3. Justin Timberlake Can Bring Sexy Back – Anytime, Anywhere

Justin Timberlake may be a real asshat in real life (allegedly), but the kid knows how to bring the heat. Just try to watch this performance of his new single ‘Suit & Tie’ without getting all hot and bothered.

4. Adele Don’t Give Too Hoots What Anybody Thinks About Her – Which Makes Us Love Her Even More

There are now a million and two reasons to love Adele after last night’s Grammy Awards. First, she wore a very busy, very nontraditional dress to the ceremony – and owned it! – and she has a fierce sense of humor. Before presenting Mumford & Sons with their Grammy Award for Album of the Year, she prefaced the reading of the nominations with this little gem: “Most artists who win Album of the Year tend to go on to have even more phenomenal global success, embark on humungous tours, or get knocked up like last year’s winner.” The Brit beauty, who went on hiatus to have a kid after cleaning up at last year’s show, was referring to herself with the quip, which quickly became of one of show’s most memorable moments. 

5. Mumford and Sons Are British; We Had No Idea

We were floored when we first heard The Walking Dead’s Andrew Lincoln (he plays de facto leader Rick Grimes) speak in an interview – he’s as English as they come despite his character’s impeccable southern drawl – and we were equally stunned when Mumford & Sons delivered their thank-yous after winning the award for Album of the Year. Surely we’re not the only ones who thought this folk-rock quartet hailed from a someplace in America where people go catfishin’ by hand... are we?

6. Mavis Staples Is the New Object of Our Affection

We had never heard of gospel singer Mavis Staples before last night’s tribute to Levon Helm, which also featured Elton John, T. Bone Burnett, Zac Brown, Alabama Shakes’ Brittany Howard, and Mumford & Sons – but now we can’t get enough of her. She totally looks like the kind of lady who’d make a fresh pitcher of hard lemonade from scratch and share it with you over cigars on the back porch. 

7. Frank Ocean Should Have His Grammy Noms Revoked for that Ridiculous ‘Forrest Gump’ Song

We thought perhaps Frank Ocean was having a mental breakdown on live television about 45 seconds into his four-minute ode to Forrest Gump. Yes, the “Life is like a box of chocolates” Forrest Gump. We’re still scratching our heads too, and we sincerely hope somebody was fired for this fail.

8. Faith Hill and Tim McGraw Are Hungry
Somebody fetch these two a few hand-caught catfish – stat!

9. Kelly Clarkson Doesn’t Know Who Miguel Is – And Neither Do We

During her acceptance speech for Best Pop Vocal Album (“Stronger”), Clarkson said that she doesn’t “who the hell” Miguel is, referring to Miguel Pimentel, who performed a rather swoon-worthy rendition of “Adorn” featuring Wiz Khalifa. You’re not alone, Kelly. But we’re glad we do now.

10. LL Cool J Is 45 Years Old – And He’s Still Got It Goin’ On

This dude is almost as old as your daddy. Puts things into perspective, doesn't it?