Saturday, November 5, 2011

Curb Your Cringe

The "chat and cut." “Pretty, Pretty, Pretty Good.” Whatever the Larry David-ism you've picked up from watching Curb Your Enthusiasm, one thing is for sure: don't try this at home. In the best circumstances, you'll end up in social exile from your friends and family. More likely, you'll end up in a fistfight with a stranger.

Larry David manages to observe and comment on the minutia in society that we experience and are often irritated by every single day. Who hasn't been peeved when they see a parked car taking up two spaces? Unlike what we see on TV, we know better than to air our grievances. We keep quiet because we aren't looking for trouble and we fear the unknown consequences.

If this were the safe-haven of a scripted TV show, what else could we suggest that our beloved and cringe-worthy protagonist to stand against? Here, a list of some common everyday occurrences that drive us crazy.

1. Texting while biking, crossing the street, or using the sidewalk. Just like a driver, you are a distracted citizen destined to bump into something.
2. Ordering pizza to eat the cheese and toppings only. We get it, you're on an anti-carb kick. That doesn't make mutilating a perfectly good slice of veggie pizza socially acceptable.
3. Tweeting, Facebook status-ing, and Foursquaring so often we wonder if you're getting ANYTHING accomplished at work. Unless of course your job is to be a full time socialite. Don't worry, knowing you're away on vacation for two weeks isn't practically an invitation for someone to rob your house.
4. Holding up the rest of us at the supermarket because you have no idea how to use self-checkout. Take a hint: this wave of technology isn't for you. Please take your place in the regular line and wait for someone to scan your items. Self-checkout is useless if you need a store employee to walk you through your purchase.

If the world were like one big episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, we would have the ability to tackle these real life issues and abolish them forever. Unfortunately, we'll have to wait until Sunday evening each week to watch Larry David stand up for us all. If we’re lucky, those who violate the unspoken rules of society actually tune in with us. If you see fewer social offensives out there, you might just have one man to thank.
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